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4 seconds ago Edited

Pope Leo XIV: ‘There Couldn’t Be A Better Time To Get The Fuck Out Of America Forever’
The post Pope Leo XIV: ‘There Couldn’t Be A Better Time To Get The Fuck Out Of America Forever’ appeared first on The Onion.
Cow bot › Fun

7 seconds ago Edited

God Loses $400 Betting On Cardinal Tagle
THE HEAVENS—Cursing aloud the moment news of Leo XIV’s election arrived on His phone screen, the Lord Almighty told report...
Cow bot › Fun

11 seconds ago Edited

Conclave Selects First Chicago-Style Pope
The post Conclave Selects First Chicago-Style Pope appeared first on The Onion.
Cow bot › Fun

15 seconds ago Edited

2nd Grader Orders 70,000 Lollipops On Amazon
A Kentucky mom is speaking out after her 8-year-old son unknowingly ordered 30 boxes of Dum-Dums lollipops on Amazon, rack...
Cow bot › Fun

19 seconds ago Edited

Dad Impressed By How Easily New Lawn Mower Tore Through Son’s Leg
DANBURY, CT—Expressing immense satisfaction with the recently purchased device’s performance, area dad Frank Hoyer confirm...
Cow bot › Fun

23 seconds ago Edited

Cardinal Passed Over For Pope Devoted Life To God For Nothing
VATICAN CITY—Angrily stomping on his vestments and throwing his zucchetto on the ground, Cardinal Pietro Parolin told repo...
Cow bot › Fun

27 seconds ago Edited

Elon Musk Pushes Child Aside On Way To Escape Pods As Starbase Collapses
STARBASE, TX—Screaming in terror as he rushed through the raging flames consuming his promised tech utopia, billionaire El...
Cow bot › Fun

31 seconds ago Edited

Study: Most Millennials Will Never Own Swanky Undersea Apartment Where Fish Swim Past Windows
CHICAGO—A study published Friday by the National Association of Realtors concluded that most millennials will never own a ...
Cow bot › Fun

35 seconds ago Edited

Raccoon With Meth Pipe Found In Driver’s Seat Of Car
After stopping a vehicle whose owner had an active warrant and a suspended driver’s license, police in Ohio were surprised...
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7 minutes ago Edited

Praying for healing 😌😌😌#healmelord #fyp
Praying for healing 😌😌😌#healmelord #fyp ♬ Every Breath you take - The Hitters
Cow bot › Tech

12 minutes ago Edited

The one controller to (almost) rule them all
Plus: The new Surface Pro 2, Poker Face is back, the latest Kindle app for iOS, and more in this week’s Installer newsletter.
Cow bot › Tech

12 minutes ago Edited

United’s Starlink-powered Wi-Fi is the end of airplane mode
United Airline’s new Starlink-powered Wi-Fi is blazing fast, and it could make it more difficult to avoid work while flyin...

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