Mike Hanrahan: A song sparked after a window visit to my mother during covid changed my life
Autumn 2020, middle of covid, visiting my mother in a care home in Ennis; she had age-related dementia. The day was murky, dour, cold — almost wintry. The window was kind of weather-beaten, the top open for conversation. The nurse had so much humanity, doing her best to translate between us… It was difficult for all three of us. You knew conversation was impossible — you’re not close to somebody, can’t hug or kiss them, or whisper in their ear. The futility of it really struck me. Guilt then about feeling that way; guilt’s an aspect of caring.I’d driven from Dublin — driving down to visit your mum, I guess you’re always excited about it, and then the frustration and heartache. There had been other visits: that one affected me emotionally, stirred something in me.I wrote a song about it, started on the journey back to Dublin — it was in my head straightaway. Essentially, I wanted to wish my mother a safe journey. There’s a line in it I really struggled with for a long time: “Go now your time here is done, Time to stop lingering on and on.”Because it was almost an acceptance of the inevitable, but I was acknowledging my own emotions too.My mother was a very caring person. I used the image of a stream, starting on the mountain top, winding its way down through the valley and nurturing all along the way. As it became a river, it was finding its way to the ocean and the end of life.It was a homage to my mum, a thank you, a wish-you-well, acknowledging just how great she was in our lives. I was very proud of that song… it changed my life.Months later, I met the Forget-Me-Nots choir and discovered their musical director, Norah Constance Walsh, was a distant relation of mine. My parents had spent a week of their honeymoon in her grandmother’s house in Dublin. Norah’s grandmother and my mother were childhood friends. That was a real coincidence. I said to Norah: “I think I’ve a song for you.”She loved the song. She played it with the choir and they loved it. We organised to record it. Covid was still on; there could only be two to three people in a room… the choir recorded their lines onto laptops and phones… bizarre when you think of it.This incredible piece of music came out, just powerful. The song was released on May 28, 2021.Absolutely bizarrely — I’ve never understood it and don’t think I want to — my mum died the night it was released. My brother had a recording of the song. He played it in her room that night. I always like to think she was listening to that song as she was leaving.My life changed utterly then. I felt like, as she was leaving, she was telling me to do something. I decided that night to learn more about dementia, educate myself — and understand the difficulties of families and caring.Through Forget-Me-Nots and Age Friendly Ireland, I met Karen Meenan. She encouraged me to apply for a fellowship at the Global Brain Health Institute, Trinity College. It’d mean giving up a year to study brain health, to work with scientists and creative artists, developing ways the arts and science could work together to promote equity for people with brain health issues.Mike Hanrahan of Stockton’s Wing tells Helen O’Callaghan about a song sparked by an emotional window visit to his mum during covid.I was the first to be accepted in Trinity on Recognised Prior Learning to do a post-grad on Equity in Brain Health. I’d never seen myself going to academia. I did it and it was one of the most powerful years of my life. It educated me about the brain and different aspects of brain health.I met all these incredible people in Acquired Brain Injury Ireland, who, in rehabilitation, discovered the artist inside themselves. Powerful to be in a room with someone who has had a near-death experience, who’s showing you their artistic work. I come from a large family of musicians. As kids, we were encouraged to play music — even on Christmas Day — in local hospitals and old folks’ homes in Ennis. We gladly did, and I saw joy, absolute joy.So I’ve always understood there’s a really deep, meaningful moment of connection with music and dance, where you don’t need words. In Trinity, I was able to talk firsthand about that, without any science. And from the scientists I learned what happens physically in the brain when music, song, poetry, are introduced. I always knew it — now I understood the physics of it.I dedicate my life now to promoting creative arts in care and wellbeing. The core of my work — putting the voice of the carer out there. There’s so much grace in caring. That song helped me process the emotion, helped me be honest with myself about my feelings. It brought me closer to my mother. I believe she’s with me all the time.The night she died, I got a sense this is the time for me to do something different. My life has been completely turned upside down since then. I’ve been brought to places I never expected, met extraordinary people involved in dementia care, and people with dementia who are advocates.I do it all in honour of my mother.
Mike Hanrahan will present on the importance of the arts in dementia care at the 2026 International Dementia Conference hosted by Engaging Dementia, May 13 and 14, at Athlone Springs Hotel, Co Roscommon.
Visit www.engagingdementia.ie
