I fell asleep on the train in Birmingham and woke up in a dreamscape
As I walked down the narrow aisles of the Caledonian Sleeper, bumping into door handles as the train pulled out of Birmingham International train station en route to Inverness, I shouted up ahead to my friend Chloe."This isn't giving Poirot," I stated, hopeful she wouldn't mention either my rotund frame of my moustache.I'd had absolutely no idea of what to expect from a train you can kip on, my mind conjuring up visions of the plush velvets of the Orient Express.Read more: Film star wowed by Sparkhill and Castle Bromwich as she makes movie magic in BirminghamIt was, in fact, far less stuffy. I'd blagged passage after promising my readers I'd ride before they did, so I'd be able to tell them if they were wasting their cash or not by choosing to travel this way instead of by car or plane.The plan was to explore Loch Ness in a day, an ambitious whim to circumnavigate it in the desperate hope of spotting Nessie.The Caledonian Sleeper goes right up to Inverness in 10 hours with no changes, and that's just a 16 minute drive away from Lochend where we'd start our mission to find the Monster.I'll keep that adventure for another story, hopeful you'll join me in the car I hired for £42, that I chocked full of Tunnocks Teacakes and cans of Irn Bru (full fat), so stick around for that if you fancy.Back on board 'The Callie', we found our Club Room and, Poirot over here in a puffer coat took up about 95% of the space inside our small cabin as we jostled bags and stashed them beneath the bottom-most bunk bed.We didn't flip for who'd get top.At 38, I wanted to relive the joy of youth and quickly called baggsy on it like the annoying little sister I am, throwing my backpack up and hitting Chloe, her stuff, her bed and myself before exploring the bathroom. Did I mention space is limited?In the bathroom, there's a loo obscured by a bench that doubles up as a shower seat. Pressure would turn out to be an issue but in the spirit of adventure, I embraced it.The train is not luxury, but the prices aren't either. You would pay around £250 for a room like this which, if you priced up the cost for two to fly and then a hotel for the first night so you can wake up refreshed to explore feels like a really good deal.Being Poirot-levels of nosy, I took myself off to snoop in the seats, those you can get for about £60.There you get a sleep kit, including a lovely tartan mask, ear plugs and somewhere to lock your stuff up. If you're young and your back doesn't absolutely kill if you even look at a lumpy mattress funny, you're well away. That's not me.Fortunately we had no such problems in the Club Room, all mattresses were smooth, sheets clean and the little knobs that you adjust big light brightness, temperature and your own reading light were a blessing.The top bunk mattress, I will tell you, is not as deep as the bottom. What you gain in little sister explorer excitement you lose a little bit in plushy comfort.Before bedding down though, we whizzed to the club car where the promise of Scottish scran delighted and the idea of room service hot coffee in close quarters unpleasant.It was FAR better food than I felt it had any right to be, a winter warming mushroom soup so good we got it twice, a very rich and indulgent Scottish cheese filled macaroni bake threatening to give me nightmares.Who eats dinner at midnight? We did, we were on a big adventure. Prices were reasonable, with snacks from £1 and everything else pub price, including venison stew for £14, nachos for £7 and £7 pizzas.Back in the room, we only elbowed one another's heads 114 times trying to get into our pyjamas and while I was lulled off to sleep by the rocking of the rails, I did find myself springing up throughout the night wondering what the hell was happening when rounding a corner pulled me slightly down the bed like a scene from Paranormal Activity.That and the belly full of macaroni and a brain full of the 1000 things I wanted to do upon waking. It wasn't the best sleep of all time, but I've had worse. The return journey, exhausted from adventure, proved significantly more restful.After a dribble shower, any residual morning grumps were chipped off over breakfast, brightened by hospitable staff.Sitting in the Club Car, Chloe eating square sausage while I tucked in to one of the nicest vegan breakfasts I've had in ages, the sun began to rise.We'd fallen asleep somewhere north of Staffordshire, and now the morning glow was drenching Cairngorms National Park, the light gleaming off snowy mountaintops.As we ventured further towards our destination we pushed our faces to windows at opposite sides of the train, shouting to one another every time we saw something wonderful. It was relentlessly amazing."A mountain! Look! EAGLES! A river! Look at these cottages!" It was absolutely everything we could have wished and more.What's more, the destination itself would make even all of that pale in comparison. Who needs the deepest night's sleep when being awake is this dreamy?!You wouldn't need a logical genius like Poirot to crack the mystery of whether the Caledonian Sleeper stopping in Birmingham now is one of the most exciting things to happen to those of us with adventurous spirits in Birmingham.Now I'm saving up for my next journey. Fort William would be great, but I left my heart with Nessie... More on that to follow!
