The Truth Really Hurts on This Week’s ‘A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms’
A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms runs just six episodes, so episode three is exactly the right moment for the turning point viewers have been waiting for. That’s especially true for George R.R. Martin book readers, who after “The Squire” can finally stop keeping certain spoilers hidden—and the audience and Dunk will truly be on the same wavelength for the first time. But before the big moment of truth, there are some other things to attend to, including an unsavory proposal that’s shoved in Dunk’s direction and some extremely unnerving jousting—plus some deep thoughts from young Egg about life, honor, and hope, as well as breakfast food.
Egg wakes up early with a plan: some last-minute training for Thunder. It’s necessary, as he tells the “stubborn as old iron” horse, because Dunk is “twice the size of your last rider, and the field could be just like this or worse, so you’d better get your feet under you.” Dunk, as we’ve seen by now, talks to his horses all the time. But for Egg it’s relatively new. “My father told me you should never talk to a horse. He says they’re dumber than dogs and only understand the crop,” he tells Thunder. “But I don’t think that’s true. I think a horse doesn’t want to be ordered about any more than a man does.”
Still, he gives a gentle order, telling Thunder that Dunk hasn’t a chance of winning unless he and Egg do their best to help him out. They’re all he’s got, after all. Thunder seems to listen, but he takes a huge dump when Egg tries to encourage him to follow his command. (Maybe feeling some pre-tournament jitters, like Dunk in episode one?)
Eventually, though, the salty war horse gets going, trotting and galloping around the misty clearing. Egg does his own version of training, lugging a jousting lance around and practicing handing it to Ser Duncan. It’s a jubilant little sequence, and as Egg is praising Thunder’s efforts, a man emerges from the forest. An odd man, shall we say. He’s barefoot and has an eyepatch, and he has a strange way of speaking, referring to himself as “we.” Their contentious meeting (“What’s wrong with your hair?” the stranger asks the kid, who shoots right back with “What’s wrong with your eye?”) softens when Egg, who knows every famous knight in the realm, realizies who this is: it’s Ser Robyn Rhysling, who lost his eye at an earlier tournament.
“You’re the maddest knight in the Seven Kingdoms!” Egg declares. Ser Robyn takes it in stride; clearly, he’s heard that before. “We are a vessel for the Warrior,” he replies. “When it is madness bid, it is madness delivered.” After this encounter, Egg returns to camp, where a somber Dunk is tending to some chores. He’s very short with Egg, but he can’t stay irritated at the kid for long, and starts teaching him how to sew a patch. A little while later, as Egg sings a little ditty about the Blackfyre Rebellion, full of carefully placed almost-swear words, while Dunk vomits in the background.
We can soon tell his anger earlier, and his nervousness now, are because he’s psyching himself up to enter the lists. After last night, he’s terrified about what’s to come, but he’s ready to face it. There’s just one problem, Egg tells him. The first challenges are reserved for “knights of high birth and renown,” which means… a hedge knight like Dunk won’t be fighting today. So, that means, there’s time for a proper breakfast. Trying to buy goose eggs, Dunk must goofily pantomime “no, just the eggs” to a confused vendor who’s about ready to slaughter the whole bird for him.
© Steffan Hill/HBO Amid this undignified moment of squatting and wing-flapping, Tanselle strolls by and takes note of what’s happening. The shield she’s painting for Dunk will be done by the evening, she tells him, quietly amused by his display. Dunk, of course, very nearly dies of embarassment right there in the market. The feeling soon passes; Dunk and Egg chow down on a tasty breakfast that is not hard salt beef, and head over to the jousting arena for some spectating, poking fun at each other and having a jolly good time. Later, lounging on a grassy hillside, Egg says dreamily, “I think I could be quite happy in a place like this.” Dunk points out, “You’re in a place like this!” But Egg is thinking long term; you know, after he becomes a war hero and marries his lord’s second-most beautiful daughter, since Dunk has already married the first.
But Egg is also thinking more short-term too, and he asks Dunk—who’s just complimented his work ethic—if he can stay on as his squire after the tournament. Dunk is about to agree when suddenly, the steward of Ashford, our phlegmy friend, summons him over for a chat. It’s more of a proposal, actually. The steward, on behalf of the financially strapped Lord Ashford, is looking for willing participants in a moneymaking scheme. Ashford’s son, Ser Androw, who has put on a decent display in the ring so far, will deliberately lose his next bouts—guaranteeing that anyone who bets against him will rack up the coin. It’s not as shady as asking Dunk to lose on purpose, but it’s not exactly honorable, even though the steward frames it as a “reward.”
Dunk has principles. We know this, even if Ashford and company don’t. “I do not want a victory that I haven’t earned,” he insists. The steward presses. The deal is a win-win, really: in his pre-guaranteed victory, Dunk would get Ser Androw’s horse, arms, and armor. It’s a generous payout for a hedge knight who has everything to lose. © Steffan Hill/HBO The steward says he’ll seek a final answer tomorrow, and though Dunk’s instinct is an immediate no, we can tell he is turning the idea—as odious as it is—over in his mind.
Just then, the horn sounds. Time for some of those knights of high birth and renown to go at it, and one of them is unfortunately familiar: Maekar Targaryen’s son Aerion, the prince who was so rude to Dunk outside the castle the previous day. We cut to the stands and see that while Prince Baelor is there, there’s an empty chair where Maekar would normally be sitting. At first, it looks like Prince Aerion is going to challenge his cousin, Baelor’s son Daeron. But he moves down to the next pavilion. “Come out, come out, little knight,” he sneers. “It’s time to face the dragon.”
His opponent is Ser Humfrey Hardyng, and things get ugly real fast. First, we hear Egg yell “Kill him! Kill him!” as the knights charge each other; a quizzical Dunk takes note of this uncharacterisic display of malice. But it’s not Aerion who falls—it’s Humfrey, when Aerion deliberately angles his lance through the neck of Humfrey’s horse. The steed goes down, crushing its rider’s legs. The crowd boos. This may be a royal Targaryen, but he’s fighting dirty, and with unbelievable cruelty. The masses begin to strike back, tossing rocks and then starting to riot, to the point that the Kingsguard has to ride out to protect the prince. Meanwhile, a solemn man walks over to Ser Humfrey and puts his horse out of its obvious agony.
It starts to rain as Dunk and Egg get the hell away from the ring. Dunk reminds Egg that as his squire, he’ll need to keep his cool if a similar mishap befalls Dunk in the ring. © Steffan Hill/HBO “That was no mishap,” Egg replies, with an awful look on his face. We could all use some cheering up after that, which means it’s perfect timing for the second bawdy song to appear in “The Squire.” This one’s about a woman named Alice with, shall we say, a particular set of skills. The fact that it’s screeched out tunelessly by a shirtless Ser Lyonel (wearing his antler crown) makes it even better, really. The whole drunken crowd backs him up as Dunk and Egg sit together at a table listening to the song—Egg more closely than most. “Do you suppose there was an Alice, ser?” he wonders. “A crippled girl who shoved her hand up men’s arses?” Dunk replies thoughtfully.
They both agree the song is probably based on a real person, though Alice might not have been her real name. “Perhaps it is a story of honor,” Egg says. “A misfortuned girl making the best of her natural gifts … is this not the act of a dogged spirit? Giving more than is asked?” Her name doesn’t matter, they agree. “Her name is Hope, ser,” Egg decrees. “It belongs to all who invoke it.” © Steffan Hill/HBO The philosophical tone continues as they stroll away from the tent. Dunk asks Egg if he ever knew his father; the boy says “not really.” Dunk, who suspects his father was a Flea Bottom thief, says he never knew his either. As they walk, contentedly chomping on their meaty snacks, we see the steward—he catches Dunk’s eye expectantly, but Dunk’s not ready to engage him with an answer just yet. Then, another odd encounter. A fortuneteller walks up and offers to read their futures. Of Dunk, she says, “You shall know great success and be richer than a Lannister,” which the hedge knight takes as a complete fabrication.
For Egg, it gets dark: “You shall be king, and die in a hot fire, and worms shall feed upon your ashes. And all who know you shall rejoice upon your dying.” Book readers know where this is leading, but Dunk laughs it off. (Egg, we can see, is spooked.) The moment passes when a grinning Raymun Fossoway strides up and invites Dunk into his tent for some cider. Egg says he’ll meet him after; the puppet show is just beginning, and he can collect Dunk’s shield from Tanselle once it’s over. Dunk’s torn for a moment; he wouldn’t mind seeing Tanselle onstage again. But he follows Raymun. He could use a little advice, especially considering the steward’s proposition. On the subject of challenges, Raymun supposes his cousin, the sleazy Ser Steffon, will step to anyone who’s injured; he’s “about as chivalrous as a starved weasel.” Dunk pretends to ponder and says he’s been thinking of challenging… Ser Androw. Then, the subject changes to Aerion Targaryen’s brutal behavior earlier in the day. “My squire thinks Aerion meant to kill the horse,” Dunk says with a forced laugh, saying it’s hard to imagine any knight would be dishonorable. Especially one that’s also a prince.
“Why is that hard?” asks a stone-cold serious Raymun. “They’re incestuous aliens, Duncan.” © Steffan Hill/HBO Perfectly stated, really. And the anti-Targaryen rant continues: “Blood-magickers and tyrants who’ve burned our lands, enslaved out people, dragged us into their wars without a mote of respect for our history or our customs. Every pale-haired brat they saddled on us has been madder than the last, gods know how!” “The only honorable thing a Targaryen can do for this realm is finish on his wife’s tits,” Raymun declares. “So aye, I think he meant to kill the fucking horse.” Dunk, who has likely never heard anyone rail so angrily against Westeros’ ruling family, lets all that sink in. Raymun lets out a long burp to lighten the mood. But the mood is about to get much, much worse. We cut to the puppet show, where Egg watches in delight as Tanselle, playing a knight, battles the fiery dragon. The pyrotechnics are cool as hell. The crowd is gasping and marveling at the stagecraft. Except one surly audience member, who stands out like a platinum blonde beacon: it’s the dreaded Aerion, taking offense at the sight of a puppet dragon—the Targaryen symbol—being slain onstage.
Everyone else soon realizes he’s there and grows silent. Tanselle’s eyes are huge as she realizes she’s just made what could certainly be interpreted as a political statement against the family that’s long occupied the Iron Throne. Aerion, it’s clear, very much took it that way. © Steffan Hill/HBO We quickly cut back to Raymun and Dunk yukking it up over cider, and Raymun’s just finished explaining that Maekar wasn’t at Aerion’s joust earlier that day because he’s out searching for his two missing sons. Dunk supposes Maekar is worried, but Raymun can’t figure why. Daeron, the heir, is a “sot.” Aerion, who we’re well familiar with, is “vain and cruel.” “The third’s so useless, they were gonna ship him off to the Citadel to make a Maester of him.” (Game of Thrones fans, you know which Targaryen that is.) And the youngest? Well… before Raymun can give his opinion, Egg runs in, screaming for Dunk to come. “Aerion’s hurting her!” It’s Tanselle in great distress, of course, as Aerion is punishing her for the puppet show’s subject matter. It’s chaos, things on fire, people screaming—none louder than Tanselle as Aerion breaks her finger with a terrible crack. Dunk sees red and charges, and punches and kicks Aerion until Aerion’s bodyguards intervene. Aerion rises to his feet and shakes his head in disgust. “Why did you throw your life away for this whore?” he asks Dunk. “She’s a traitor,” he adds. “The dragon ought never lose.” Dunk says nothing. Aerion orders his men to break out all of Dunk’s teeth—phase one in whatever other gruesome punishment will follow, presumably, and it’s just about to happen when we hear a familiar shrill voice cutting in. Dunk, thinking Egg will join him on the pain train if he angers the Targaryens, orders his squire to stop: “Hold your tongue or they’ll hurt you!” But Egg is more than Egg. Book readers and spoiler-conscious HBO reps can now relax, because the secret is officially out in the world. “You impudent little rat,” Aerion sighs at the boy. “What’s happened to your hair?” Egg, whose full name is Aegon Targaryen, spits back, “I cut it off, brother. I didn’t want to look like you.” Here, the editing cuts between all the players (shocked: Tanselle, Raymun; defiant: Egg; annoyed: Aerion), but we end on Dunk, who can’t quite believe what’s just happened. All of it. All of it. What will the Targaryens decide do with Dunk? Can tiny Egg use his own power to further soften the blow—if Dunk will forgive him for completely misrepresenting himself this entire time, that is? We’ll have to wait until next week’s A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms—arriving Sunday on HBO and HBO Max. Want more io9 news? Check out when to expect the latest Marvel, Star Wars, and Star Trek releases, what’s next for the DC Universe on film and TV, and everything you need to know about the future of Doctor Who.
