Frustrated Trump Struggling To Find Any Infrastructure Left In Indiana To Destroy
WASHINGTON—Searching in vain for a meaningful way to retaliate after Indiana lawmakers rejected his Republican gerrymandering push, a visibly frustrated President Donald Trump was reportedly struggling Friday to find any infrastructure left in the state that could still be destroyed. “I’m looking all over, and there’s just no way we can make this any worse,” Trump said as his transportation secretary, Sean Duffy, showed him live satellite footage of the Rust Belt state, revealing mile after mile of pulverized highway, gnarled railroad tracks, algae-infested reservoirs, and abandoned main streets. “What is withholding funds even going to do here, Sean? How can you make dirt worse? I want to do something where people can really see a difference, but there’s no before-and-after here. These bridges already seem like they’ve been bombed, so anything I’d do would just be a lateral move. And look at Gary—is there even an intact window we could smash with a brick?” At press time, sources reported that Trump was exploring whether he could retroactively take credit for the state’s damage.
