Ask Yadi: Who to tell about a family health crisis: Navigating communication during uncertainty
CLEVELAND, Oh - My vibrant, active 84-year-old father started having seizures this week. He’s otherwise very healthy, so seizures came as a surprise. An MRI in the local ER determined that he has brain tumors. We won’t know until later this week if they’re benign or malignant. This is a tough situation for our family. My question is who do we tell? Do we keep the information to our immediate family until we know more? Do I tell close friends now or later? What and when do I tell anyone at work? Who do I tell at work? Will people think I’m dramatic if I tell them? Will they think I’m rude if I don’t? I just don’t know what to do.ANSWER: First off, wishing you and your family the very best. Health issues are always difficult, but they’re especially tough during the holidays. It’s shocking to go to the hospital for one issue and discover something unexpected.As for who to tell, that completely depends on how close your family is, how they handle this type of news and how supportive they will be. I am glad that you have immediate family around who can be there with you during this time. If you don’t have a close relationship with your immediate family members, it’s okay to lean on trusted friends outside the family if needed for personal support.It is OK for you to keep the news within your immediate family until you know more. If you feel that they do need to know, perhaps you have one person assigned to be the “contact” person. Most families have one person who’s good at sharing news. You can let them know and assign them to share the news with everyone else.The last thing that you need while sitting with your father is a barrage of questions and texts that you just can’t answer right now. Once you get the diagnosis that may be the time to share all of the information.You can also ask your father what he would prefer, if he is up to it. He may not want anyone else to know yet. Or he may say, tell them all. Give him the option to decide, if he is able to communicate his wishes. This may alleviate some of your stress, which is the last thing you need.As for work, don’t worry about being dramatic. Do what’s comfortable for you. You can speak specifically to HR if you aren’t comfortable sharing with your boss. If you are close to specific co-workers share with them what you are comfortable with.Check out even more prior Ask Yadi columns here.Do you have a question or an etiquette predicament that you want advice on? Send me an “Ask Yadi” email at yrodriguez@cleveland.com
