Comedian and writer Dawn French on approaching her 70s
Comedian, actor and writer Dawn French is fervently aware that broaching the subject of end-of-life decisions in her latest novel is likely to cause controversy.
The theme of having control over end-of-life decisions might not seem an instant holiday read from The Vicar Of Dibley star, but it forms the backdrop to her new book, Enough, which sees Etta, a healthy, happy 68-year-old mother and grand-mother gather her family together for a weekend, only to drop the bombshell that this is the last day of her life.
Her choice. Her decision. She’s not depressed, she’s not traumatised.
"It will be a conversation opener," French, also 68, a mother and grandmother, predicts, recalling that when her personal assistant was typing up the manuscript, she asked if French was feeling OK.
"I think she was worried about the nature of what I was writing here and whether these are my thoughts and feelings, which they are not."
(Trevor Leighton/PA)
She tells the Press Association: "When you’re approaching your 70s, I just didn’t want to deny that you start thinking about this ‘winter’ part of your life. I don’t even know when those years are that you exit autumn and enter winter.
"But what I do know is that thinking about getting older is on my mind. We pretend it’s not going to happen and that it’s going to be easy. We provide and make our preparations, but how do we actually enter this part of our lives?"
There’s a content trigger warning at the start of the book and a link to The Samaritans at the end – French’s team contacted the charity about the subject matter.
"I think it’s tricky for lots of people, but I’m all for talking. Let’s absolutely have the conversations, but I think it’s fair to warn people about the nature of it. Some people are going through a tricky time, and I get that. I want everyone to have access to whatever help they may need."
Although it all sounds pretty depressing, the novel really isn’t. If anything, it’s life-affirming as Etta’s son Vernon from her first marriage and daughter Dolly from her second slowly go from shock, disbelief and anger as they try to dissuade her from her decision, to a calmer, more reflective state, considering their relationships with their mother and with each other.
"My hope is that we just stop to think a little bit about people who are getting older."
(Matt Crossick/PA)
There are plenty of laughs in-between – teasing and sarcasm between the half-siblings and their mother is "the collective tribal currency", while Lizzy, Vernon’s quiet, acquiescent wife, knows she needs to stand up for herself more, and Etta’s kind, loving, gay second husband may live with his boyfriend in Bristol, but he’s always got her back.
French says that the only real similarity between herself and Etta are that they are the same age, although she admits that when her own family – daughter Billie, who she adopted with her first husband, comedian Lenny Henry, and stepchildren Lily and Olly – get together at home in Cornwall with her and her husband, Mark Bignell, who runs a drugs rehabilitation charity, there’s plenty of teasing and sarcasm across the table.
"I feel fortunate that I come from quite a razor-sharp family in terms of wit, though I am by no means the best equipped in my family. There are others who have come armed with sharper swords than me. That is a source of great fun and kind of competition."
The story is interspersed with flashback chapters of Etta’s life and the reasoning behind her decision, including seeing her mother disappear into an abyss of dementia.
French herself has been around relatives who have died in all kinds of ways and says she is pro-assisted dying but "with 1,000 caveats".
Yet she witnessed the most "extraordinary beauty" in her own mother’s death in 2012, she recalls.
"My mum got lung cancer, and it was all quite quick, although I now, on reflection, think that my mum knew for much longer than she let on. But by the time she was in the hospital and struggling to breathe, the palliative care doctor came in and said, ‘We’ve got various options here’ and was extremely respectiful to my mum."
Dawn French. Getty Images.
Her mother was asked by the doctor what she wanted.
"My mum was able to say, ‘I want to go to sleep and I don’t want to wake up’. She was exhausted and struggling. She always said she wasn’t afraid of dying, she was afraid of not being able to breathe. Then this remarkable system started where she was helped in a legal, correct way. I just thought it was beautiful, kind of consensual and respectful of life and humanity.
"I just thought, that’s because my mum has made this decision at this key moment. She’s in charge. And so a lot of this book is about control, really."
French’s father died by suicide when she was 19 – did writing about such a sensitive issue bring back painful memories?
"It’s very different to my dad’s experience because this character (Etta) is coming with decisions made and a heart full of a big, messy, happy life and she feels like she’s doing something very selfless.
"But without a doubt I’m from a family of a suicide and I know what that feels like. But back in the day, my dad didn’t get the talking medicine. That wasn’t on offer. In fact, there was shame and secrecy and all of those stupid things.
"My dad was ex-RAF, a proud man who had to hide all of these difficult, dark feelings. And you’ve got to remember that the man I grew up with was an incredibly cheerful, happy man, but with these dark episodes, some of which were insurmountable, eventually.
"Throughout my life, I’ve come to understand his mental ill health and the kind of awful place that he must have been in. Along with all the stages of grief that you have over any ordinary death, with suicide, you have all kinds of other things that have to happen, like forgiveness. For me, that has definitely happened, quite a long time ago."
Dawn French and Jennifer Saunders during the Repair Shop special for Comic Relief's Red Nose Day. Getty Images.
While the novel tackles a serious topic with empathy and dark humour, laughter is still very much on French’s agenda.
This summer, she’ll be filming the second series of the BBC1 sitcom Can You Keep A Secret? before panto season starts. She and her great friend Jennifer Saunders will be playing the ugly sisters in Cinderella at the London Palladium this Christmas. They waited for Cinderella, so they could be in it together.
"I’ve done the Palladium panto twice, Jennifer’s done it once. There’s a group of people – Julian Clary and Nigel Havers – who do it every year. I don’t know how they have the energy.
"It’s two shows a day, six days a week for about seven weeks. It’s absolutely exhausting and utterly thrilling at the same time.
"She [Jennifer] is my darling. We’ve just finished our seventh series of our podcast, T***ing About. We spend a week writing it – well, catching up really. Sometimes we take on work so that we can have time together.
Dawn French and Jennifer Saunders. Getty Images.
"If you don’t take a job on, you suddenly find there’s been months and we haven’t seen each other. Not that that matters – we will always pick up where we left off. In fact, the more work we do separately, the richer it is when we come back together because we’ve got more gossip, more stories."
They talk about doing another TV series together all the time, but never get around to it, she says.
"I wouldn’t say ‘No’, but every time we think of something, other jobs come along that are already written or in development and that takes another year."
If you are affected by any of the issues raised in this article, you can contact; The Samaritans (phone 116123), or Pieta House (1800 247 247) . You can also visit https://about.rte.ie/ie/helplines/
Enough by Dawn French is published by Penguin Michael Joseph. Available May 21.
