Trump Conducts Marathon Reading Of Arby’s Menu In Appeal To Meat Lovers
WASHINGTON—Bowing his head as he solemnly recited the fast food offerings, President Donald Trump conducted a marathon reading of the Arby’s menu Thursday in an effort to appeal to the nation’s meat lovers. “French Dip Royale, Classic Beef ’N Cheddar, Double Beef ’N Cheddar, Half Pound Beef ’N Cheddar—that’s from the Arby’s slow roasted beef menu, items one through four,” the commander-in-chief said while a retinue of Arby’s executives stood behind him with their eyes closed and their hands clasped in prayer. “This is my favorite: Arby’s value menu, item two—ham slider. I love ham sliders. Don’t we love ham sliders, America? I read this passage every night before I go to sleep. It’s calming.” At press time, Trump’s approval rating had skyrocketed by 30 points.
