I met my soulmate at 54 – he was dead 18 months later

Looking over, I noticed he had the most beautiful brown eyes (Picture: Alison Larkin) Walking into the historic hotel at the bottom of my road on a snowy Sunday morning, I asked the receptionist for a copy of the New York Times.  ‘Sorry, the last one’s just been taken,’ she replied, pointing over her shoulder at a man nearby.  Looking over, I noticed he had the most beautiful brown eyes. ‘I’m sorry, I took the last paper,’ he said, handing me his copy.  I said thank you, then gave him back everything but the Sunday crossword, which I told him was the only reason I got it, because it’s so much easier than the Saturday one. He agreed, his laugh joining with mine.  That’s how I met my soulmate, Bhima. It was January 2019 and I was 54 years old. Before I met Bhima, I assumed that falling in love was something other people did, like making lists and keeping their house tidy. My preference was to avoid love altogether, putting my energy into my career instead. Despite this, I married, had two kids and got divorced. I’d had my own TV sitcom under development, which led to six years in LA – but when my kids were born in 2000 and 2002, I knew I couldn’t raise them in Hollywood, where the philosophy is ‘I may not be much, but I’m all I ever think about’.  I had come to the US from Sussex in 1993 at the age of 28 (Picture: Alison Larkin) So I quit my comedy career, wrote my novel, The English American, and moved into voluntary rural exile in a small town in Massachusetts. After bonding over the paper, Bhima asked me to go on a walk with him in the snow. As we talked, he told me that he had immigrated to the US from India in 1988 at 22  to do a PhD and that he now worked in renewable energy.  Within that time, he had one short marriage and several girlfriends, but he jokingly lamented the fact that American women are ‘confrontational’ and ‘exhausting’. I told him it was the same with American men. I told him I had come to the US from Sussex in 1993 at the age of 28 to find my birth mother in Tennessee. This led to a career as a stand-up comic, an audiobook narrator and novelist.  Things between us progressed quickly after this and we spent every spare moment together. We hiked, listened to jazz, travelled, met each other’s families and fell in love.  My kids had never seen me laugh so much and they were thrilled.  Eighteen months after we first met,  Bhima asked me to marry him on a walk by a river in July 2020. We were radiantly happy at the prospect of spending the rest of our lives together.    Five days later Bhima said he wasn’t feeling well. He had a fever. Worried, we called the doctor who told him to go to the hospital for a Covid-19 test. I wasn’t allowed to go in with him because of lockdown restrictions, so I waited by the car.  After about half an hour, he sent me a text telling me he loved me. I messaged back that I loved him too.   A little while later a security guard came over to my car. He told me that Bhima had been left alone for a few minutes and when medics came back, they found him on the floor in cardiac arrest.  My brilliant, beautiful 54-year-old fiancé had just been pronounced dead. On the surface I was functioning calmly and well. But inside I had gone completely numb. I started working out in earnest for the first time in many years (Picture: Alison Larkin) In the immediate aftermath, there was the funeral, which was watched by Bhima’s family and friends all over the world on Zoom.  Bhima’s brother was delivering a very moving eulogy when everyone watching heard my Dad say ‘Is that Bhima’s brother? It looks like he’s standing on his head!’ Then my Mum’s voice saying ‘I think you’ve got the iPad upside down, Rob.’  Bhima would have loved it.  I spent my days avoiding people, work and food. A month after he died, I was in my usual position, curled up on the sofa, when I heard his voice in my head saying: ‘Alison, life’s short and you’re alive now. It’s time to get into the best physical shape of your life.’ I didn’t actually hear his voice, but I knew what he was saying.  So I started working out in earnest for the first time in many years, running, doing pushups, and scampering about on mountains where Bhima and I had walked. And then, about three months after Bhima’s death, when the numbness thawed, I was astonished to find that I was filled with an extra energy and a kind of deep joy.   Bhima taught me that easy, truly compatible love is worth waiting for (Picture: Alison Larkin) So I wrote a new solo show, ‘Grief… A Comedy’, about Bhima and me and received rave reviews at the Soho Theatre in Edinburgh and London last year. Then I returned to America to finish writing a follow-up book of the same name. Millennial men have been blamed for the 'dating crisis' — because of one lazy reason Pit porn is one of the most requested fetishes of the year 'Turning 19 in Poland': The compliment you didn't know existed in 2025's top gay slang I believe I will find true love again. But first I must keep the promise I made to myself to tell this story as widely as possible.  While I can’t be sure what lies ahead in the love department, when I’m missing my true love, if I get very still, I can sense Bhima right next to me, knowing exactly what he would say.  I’m not alone in this. Every day I hear from people of all backgrounds who tell me that they too feel a continuing bond with their loved ones, who they also feel close by.  Bhima taught me that easy, truly compatible love is worth waiting for. I won’t waste time settling for an ‘I can make this relationship work if I really try’ ever again or numb my pain by working until I collapse. Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing Ross.Mccafferty@metro.co.uk.  Share your views in the comments below. Arrow MORE: I lie about my birthday to blag freebies Arrow MORE: I’m suddenly very worried for George Clarke on Strictly Come Dancing Arrow MORE: My date innocently suggested something women would be appalled at Comment now Comments Add Metro as a Preferred Source on Google Add as preferred source Degrees of Separation Join us each week as hear from the people going through familial estrangement, for worse and for better.

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